![]() “When someone is struggling with addiction, their priorities often shift away from their relationship and loved ones. Whatever the source of addiction, it can drive a serious wedge between you and your partner. Besides well-known culprits like drugs and alcohol, activities like social media, work, shopping, gambling, and gaming can all become addictive, according to Tzall. You Don’t Seek Help for Addictive BehaviorĪddiction can show up in unexpected ways. “Explain that while you value their input, the ultimate decisions regarding your relationship should be made by you and your spouse,” Tzall says. Then, communicate to the “influencer” that your marriage is a two-person-only relationship. Clearly define what roles and boundaries you want to set with respect to third parties.” Discuss how you both feel about the involvement of third parties and what boundaries you'd like to establish. “The first step is to have open and honest communication with your spouse. To protect your marriage from too much outside influence, Dr. If one partner feels like their opinions and preferences are consistently overridden, they may lose trust in their spouse's commitment to the relationship.” “The presence of a third party can erode trust. “When a third party becomes too involved in a couple's decision-making process, it can lead to conflicts and decisions that may not align with the couple's own values and priorities,” says the Brooklyn, New York–based therapist David Tzall, PsyD. A parent, friend, or even a child can hold inappropriate sway over your marriage. You Let Outsiders Gain Too Much Influence on Your MarriageĪ healthy marriage needs a support system of relatives and friends - but some external relationships can exert undue influence. ![]() “If the conversation is too intense for partners to have respect for each other, then a short break in the conversation is needed, so that everyone can remain physiologically calm.” 2. “Active listening skills can help in this area, including reflecting back the content of the conversation to the partner so they feel heard,” says Miller. Perhaps you can understand how they would be hurt, angry, or frustrated by a situation - even if you wouldn’t be.Īdditionally, be sure you’re really listening to your partner, not just waiting for your turn to speak. In other words, try to see things from their perspective. Miller recommends starting by finding something you can empathize with or validate in your partner. A handful of skills can be learned to take you from screaming or stonewalling to speaking calmly and productively. You don’t have to be a master communicator to rectify this problem. Miller says that when things get heated, spouses often start conversations too harshly, stonewall each other, and turn to passive aggression. Poor communication might also look like not fighting fair. “Without being able to express feelings on a regular basis, small issues turn into suppressed, bottled-up emotions that boil over into explosive conflict when least expected,” says Miller. This can eventually lead to volatile emotions. In some cases, it can look like an inability to talk with your spouse about how you’re really feeling. Unhealthy communication has many faces within marriage. If one or both members of a couple feel unheard, put down, or shut out, it's difficult if not impossible to build connection. No one will be surprised to learn that poor communication degrades relationships. Here’s a look at seven common behaviors that can destroy a marriage or long-term relationship - and how to fix them before they do. Little, everyday conflicts can add up to marital strife, or sometimes it’s deeper issues that rear their ugly heads. In one way or another, many of the things that destroy marriage are rooted in the so-called Four Horsemen. To maintain healthy, happy romantic relationships, it’s important to spot (and root out) common problems that can lead to discord or even divorce. “These are behaviors displayed in relationship dynamics that are proven to be damaging over time.” “These include criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness,” explains Sara Miller, the owner of Confluent Relationship Therapy in Chicago. In his extensive research on marriage, the psychologist and researcher John Gottman, a doctor of clinical psychology, has identified four harbingers of unhappy marriages he calls the Four Horsemen. A host of unhealthy dynamics, hurtful behaviors, and poor priorities can mean the difference between thriving and failing. It’s a cliché that the biggest problems in marriage revolve around money and sex - but these aren’t the only areas that can make or break a long-term relationship.
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